A year ago today I turned 40 years old (or young!). My friend Nick, upon wishing me a happy birthday asked me what my 40 rules and lessons for life are. At the time I'd never thought of it nor put pen to paper on creating one.
I jotted a few things down that came to mind. Then parked it and have slowly come back to it over the past year, adding items that came to mind or new things I had discovered while reflecting on past and present.
I then made the commitment that I would publish the list at this years birthday - otherwise it could easily keep dragging on. And here we are.
So, below are a mixture of lessons, rules, favourites, best of, insights and other things I have come up with!
Some experienced first hand, others shared with me by others. Things have I have enjoyed, taken satisfaction from, that have shaped and influenced me so far or my present and tomorrow. It's completely incomplete, a work in progress and a stake in the ground.
So without further ado the list...and of course some pictures of the month below.
40 Things
1. Use these phrases sparingly: "I hope", "I wish", "Maybe", "I should", "I could" and replace them with more "Yes", "No", "I am", "I will", "I can" and "For Sure".
2. As my friend Dawn told me, "Words make worlds."
3. Collect things. Especially artefacts. Things from other places or moments. Capture moments that reconnect you to another time.
4. Purge things! Yes, get rid of stuff semi-regularly, but not all of it. Moving house, apartment, city or country are are a great way to do this!
5. If you spend time on the internet - figure out your relationship to it by asking what type of contributions you want to make it on it is. Whether, creator, curator or consumer. Be ok with whichever you choose.
6. Do hard things for those you love or your community. There’s times in life when you are invited to lean in - even against what the body says no to. Go for it. It’s one of the greatest honours to be called upon for your help, presence or words in challenging times.
7. Practice, practice, practice. If you want to do those things above well or really anything, it's all about repetitions. Now maybe practicing isn't the right word as for example, I have never practiced "writing", I've wrote, shared, received feedback and gone again - in both personal and professional contexts.
8. There will be times in life where you struggle and are looking for answers or advice. You won't always listen to everyone around you, so speed up the path to listen to those you will.
9. How you communicate varies widely in relation to others. Family. Friendships. Work. Dating and so on. It's ok. Be who you are but also understand everyone is different with preferences and comfort that can make dialogue at times challenging. Don't over think it, but work with it.
10. There may be times in life where you find yourself with a lot of time off - after graduating, job searching/being laid off, illness or injury etc. Just do your best to enjoy it even if you don't have what you think you "need" at the time. You'll only ever look back at the time and think about how you could have spent that time differently.
11. That said, be where you are at. Sometimes you can't force or rush certain processes, and the only way out of them is to be in them, and find ways to enjoy it.
12. If you find yourself disproportionally investing time, energy and attention in people that aren't responsive, move on from them - or adjust your expectation of who they are and what part they play in your life. Remarkable what reframing expectations can do.
13. The later you have a child, the less the time you will have with them. You may not want one or you wish to have one later. But as soon as you have one, you’ll want as much time with them as possible.
14. Go to your friends destination wedding. Call in sick, put it on your credit card. Or whatever. You are either there or not. And if your friendship lasts, you’ll always have missed out.
15. Make lists of things. Your favourites. Your all time bests. Top 5 pizza you ever had. The best coffee you ever had. The 10 Albums you take to a deserted island. Take a moment to prioritise the things that mean something to you. (There may be a few of these at the end to help me get to 40 things!)
16. Discover what your gift is. Everyone has one. Doesn't meant you are best in the world at it, but something better than most.
17. Pause and consider your mortality time to time. It will help focus you on what matters most and also your ability to empathise with those navigating life or death (either directly or through family or friends).
18. Do what you need to do to make a change when you need it.
19. Do something daring for yourself every so often. Take a course. Do a retreat. Go back to school. There’s only upside in this - even amidst any short term struggle or challenge.
20. As my friend Johan once said, "No one regrets a jump in a cold lake".
21. Work with a coach. Go to therapy. Be a part of a community. Find a space where you can share, reflect, think and explore feelings and ideas with others. Also, long walks and writing can do wonders.
22. Stay off social media
23. Be on social media
24. My friend Joanne once said, whenever proof reading something you wrote, go back through it and remove 90% of the "I"'s of you have used. Eg. "I am writing this list of 40 rules I learned....." To "Writing this list of 40 rules has taught me..." You see. Much nicer.
25. Remember those who have stuck up for you whenever bullied or mistreated and what it felt like for someone to have your back. Try and be more of that for others.
26. Read one book at a time.
27. Stay away from "meh". Don't tolerate indifference. Own the things in your yes or no, Yahoo or not. Eliminate "meh" from your life. As a friend Dano told me once "You are what you tolerate."
28. It's ok to talk non-sense (and listen to your friends and others do so too) and can make things quite fun (it's storytelling after all). But make sure it's not the only thing you do. Tell the truth, and follow through on proclamations you make.
29. Start things, continue things, take breaks from things and stops things.
30. I saw a tweet recently about someone who did stand up comedy just once but it super powered them for rest of life after that. I once did an open mic night and sang a Ryan Adams track. Part of me still can't believe I did it, and I did. So bizarre that something like that was one of the most daring things I have done, yet for some is so natural.
31. Anytime you find ease in something that was previously hard there's always a moment of why didn't I start this sooner! I have found this in running, yoga, strength training. Such a nice feeling.
32. 3 Mental Models that have helped me: Gray's A Moment in Time, Think Greater from Dispenza and Roger Martin's Knowledge Funnel.
33. When I was in university I didn't really enjoy it and wanted to take a break. My mom just drove home the idea of "just finish then you can do whatever you would like". In the final years of school, I would lay awake at night thinking of all the places I wanted to go. So far I've been to 50 countries, lived in 5 of them and have done work on 4 continents.
34. The quickest way to get out of your head is to get outside and walk around the block.
35. My favourite films are ones that explore time, language and relationships. And as such, put the likes of: Inception, Tenet, Arrival, Cloud Atlas and a few others in my all time favourites. I've also been a big fan of international cinema and some of the most powerful films I have seen are: Like Father Like Son, Winter Sleep, Leviathan and Quo Vadis, Aida?.
36. The books that have shaped me the most in no particular order - fiction and non fiction... Brave New World by Huxley, The Shadow of the Sun and Imperium by Kapuscinski, Theory of Everything by Wilber, Absolute Friends by Le Carre, The Beach by Garland, Shantaram by Roberts, Antifragile/Black Swan by Taleb, Sacred Path of the Warrior by Trungpa, Dark Matter & Trojan horses by Hill, Station 11 by Mandel, Yes is More by Ingels and Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu. And surely many more to come
37. Perhaps the single best thing I think I have ever done has been my yoga teacher training.
38. Most of my best friends are from my childhood, and the ones that aren't were met in contexts and places I didn't think I'd make any friends. Do stuff with new people.
39. When feeling moments of doubt, stress or anxiety, hack them with thoughts and feelings of appreciation, luck and fortune for what is good and going well in your life.
40. Keep in touch. :)
Wow! We got there. Thank you for reading.
I am fortunate person to be able to share this with you all.